For the first 21 days of the year, the ministry called a corporate fast. I asked the Lord how to do this, and I heard fruits and vegetables. I was so relieved He was going to allow me to eat food as He called others to only consume liquids like juice and broth. I believed it was going to be a breeze!
The first few days were relatively easy. However, the longer I was just eating fruits and vegetables, the more my attention focused on how hungry I was. I asked the Lord about this and He released me to eat as much as I wanted…as long as it was fruits or vegetables. Even though I was eating as often and as much as I wanted, I still never felt full. I caught myself complaining. I said “if only I could eat protein…I miss eggs, I miss hamburgers.” I miss being able to eat dairy and grains, what I would give to eat a bowl of cereal…Oh, how I want to be filled. For my belly to feel full. Ugh!” I was out of town during part of the fast and didn’t have access to a car. I ran out of my favorite Dasani lemon water and began obsessing over how I could get to the store for more…as I felt I wasn’t ok without it.
It didn’t take long for me to realize I had become just like the Israelites who complained about their manna. The Lord just delivered them out of bondage and out of slavery. He provided them with everything they needed. He promised and gave them daily manna. They were never hungry, but complained about the Lord’s provision…about how He provided. That sounds just awful, but you know what…I was doing that very thing!
During one of my griping sessions, the Lord whispered in my ear, “I want to be the one to fill you. I want you to HUNGER after Me like you do protein. You keep looking to food, but only I can satisfy! I want you to seek after Me like you did the lemon water. Whoever drinks the water I give them will never THIRST again.”
OUCH! Conviction hit me like a ton of bricks! I knew what He was after, I knew what I needed to do! “Lord, I repent. Forgive me for looking to things other than You to fill me up, for seeking after things of this world and not You for the answers. Lord, forgive me for my lack of appreciation for Your provision, for not seeing and being thankful for what You have given me, but only focusing on what I think I am lacking…Lord, I repent for my ungrateful heart! Lord, forgive me for looking to myself for the answers on how to be filled instead of putting my faith and trust in You and You alone! Lord, You are worthy, You are enough, You are faithful! Please forgive me for my doubt and unbelief. For trying to handle things in my own strength and not relying and resting on Your power. For not being patient in Your timing and in Your ways.”
When I was finished repenting…He put Psalms 100:4 into my spirit. “Enter into His gates with thanksgiving, and into His courts with praise; be thankful unto Him and bless His name.” He also reminded me of 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” It was at that moment that I began listing everything I was thankful for and lastly I praised Him for who He is, for what He’s done and will continue doing, amen?!